Im done being a pencil
I don’t know whats going on with us anymore. I thought i knew and I was just going to go with the flow, but i cant do that anymore because it hurts. You will always choose her over me. Im tired of being number two. In your heart, I know for a fact im not number two, so why can’t you confront your self and figure out what you really want. If shes ally a replacement, why are you still with her, when you and i both know we want each other back. If you’re really not using me, why did we do what we did today. Give me an answer for everything because im tired of making up scenarios in my head. Im tired of being treated like an easy piece of ass because thats not what I am. Im more than that. I mean more to you than she does. You drunkly told me you love me yesterday. If its so true, but cant you let me be yours. You kept wanting to cuddle and every time you put your arm around me i cried a little because i miss having your arm around me. I miss having you sleep next to me. I miss arguing with you on who gets to be the small spoon. In the moment, we dont regret anything. But after it happens, you regret it with every muscle in your body. I cant get my self to regret anything until you regret it because only then do you make me feel like shit. Only then do i feel like shit. I only regret it because you regret it. I can’t move on from you if we dont have a reason not to be together. I cant move on from you until i find someone so much better than you. But you and i both know that you’re an inch away from perfection. You’re irreplaceable. Just like you told me i was irreplaceable, so are you. No one can be like you. No one will be there for me like you were always there. Listening to me cry about my sister, drunk and you listening to me the entire time is what i love the most. You’re always there. No doubt about it. Even your best friend called out phone call yesterday “cute.” Do you understand that even your friends want me back with you, but i cant because you dont want it. I dont understand why. Its what i want. Sure you may be going to Cornell next year and ill still be at Rutgers, but if we both want it we can make it work because we’ll both want it. You even tried to talk to me about Cornell and Rutgers yesterday night. You tried to see on how it would work and you know that its gonna be hard, no doubt it. But you still wanted to play out a scenario because deep down you want it too. Deep down, you still want me to be yours. And I will openly say that its what i want. I want to be yours; I want you to be mine. I want to come over and do stupid shit with you. I miss you so much. But i dont want to loose you, best friend or not, im not willing to loose you because you mean way too much for me to loose you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Confront your fucking feelings and give us another chance because 10 years from now, were gonna both wonder what would have happened to us. Drop the other girl, shes not worth it. You’re only using her. You even said she’s a replacement for me, but she’s not like me. I miss you. i miss you more than anything. Give us another chance. I dont want to be an easy piece of ass or number two. I want to be yours.